I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
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But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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