so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
