Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
