Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
is wine microwaveable?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
