You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
