that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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