would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
