So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
