Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
