i just had sex bonerless
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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