:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
