There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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