is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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