Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
