I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
