Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
