Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
