I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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