oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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