What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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