Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
