who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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