If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
