Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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