Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
