you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
