when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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