So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
