when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
