Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I checked into jail on foursquare
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
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