"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
