tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
