I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
