don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
