So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
