Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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