I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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