True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
and i looked up. we had an audience...
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The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
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He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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