Already got asked if we're dating
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
