but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
