just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
