Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
