i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
