the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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