The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
