You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
