he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
