he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
