I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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