Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
home. puking in laundry basket.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
not ubering you a puppy
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
