I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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