lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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