I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
