I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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