After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
