you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
