Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
