Sponge bath it is.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Boobs speak an international language.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
