I am in a vortex of obligation.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
