i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
