i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
