That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
