You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
