I only kidnapped one of them. chill
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
