I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
