Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
