Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
