she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
