I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
