Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize