remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
