so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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