His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
3pm strippers are depressing
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
