There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
