i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
