Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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