You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
