fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
