You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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