Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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