I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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