if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
