that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
