Bisexual people are plain selfish.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
