I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
