he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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